I was the young girl who had her life planned out by the time she was 10. White picket fence, 2 kids, 2 dogs, and be a stay at home mom.
Then life happened.
I became a single parent before Rebecca was even born and this led me to take back my letter of resignation as an ICU nurse six weeks before she arrived.
Then I met Jeff and I had that feeling of “here’s my chance”. I happily supported Jeff through law school, but knew the end/beginning was in sight. Then cancer struck and we were drowning in medical debt due to experimental medications and therapies (yes, that is even with insurance).
Fast forward and this month I have been a nurse for 17 years. We do not live in town with any family. As a result, we’ve had to depend on others to help with childcare. This has been gut wrenching for me at times. Yet, God has been faithful and blessed us with AMAZING teachers and a nanny who love our children.
When Rebecca was in preschool and I would drop her off, she was THE kid who would cry her heart out and would run to me like a speeding bullet when I picked her up promptly at 11:30 am every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I prayed daily for 2 things:
1. To win the lottery or have a green suitcase with money left on my doorstep full of cash so I could stay home.
2. Peace and healthy transitions for Rebecca.
I never got the green suitcase and rarely play the lottery. But Rebecca has blossomed into a confident young lady. The most important prayer won out.
Samantha on the other hand sometimes doesn’t want to leave Mrs. Freeman’s house or preschool. While the other kids are thrilled to go home, Samantha is content to stay on the carpet at preschool and read books or stay at Mrs. Freeman’s house and play. One day I pulled away from preschool and just cried as I took it personally.
God knows the desires of my heart, why isn’t He granting me with the financial ability to stay home? I don’t have an answer, but I’ve learned that parenting isn’t really about me at all. It’s about raising my children to love God and be healthy, loyal friends, and well adjusted citizens. And sometimes that takes more than Jeff and I. And that’s OK.
Today was Sam’s last day of preschool and as usual she was the last to leave. I am so grateful for her teachers in Room #1 this year who love Sam’s individual taste in clothing choices, her wild hair, her love of the swing, and her fierce independence and spunk.
This is what Sam loves about her teachers:
“Miss Deirdre is my favorite. She has a red chair. She sings Choo Choo songs. And she is pretty.”
“Miss Shauna is my favorite. She smiles at me. She swings me. And I sit on her lap. I love her.”
“Miss Val is my favorite. She sings Going on a Bearhunt. She paints. She helps me in the potty. I like her this much.” (with her arms extended)
This is Mrs. Freeman (Heather) and her youngest son Gavin who Samantha adores. Heather has watched Samantha since she was an infant. Their bond is enormously strong. And Wednesday was their last day together and it was bittersweet for both Heather and I. Today Sam and I dropped by her house to take a homemade card and flowers.
I am thankful to Heather for loving Samantha as her own. She has 4 boys so she showered Samantha with homemade hair bows, and trips to the Zoo and Children’s Museum. She faithfully took her to a bible study every week where Samantha learned bible songs which she sings every morning. Not only was Heather a great caregiver, she loved my child. I don’t think I could ever put into words how thankful I am for her.
And Samantha, well I didn’t ask her about Mrs. Freeman only because she prays for Heather and Gavin every night. So I know her heart. Lots of “I love her, she’s my favorite, she’s so pretty, she sings to me, she plays with me. And Gavin is my friend.” It’s awesome.
Despite a different way I envisioned my children to be raised, I am beyond grateful.
Thank you Heather, Deirdre, Val, and Shauna. My appreciation is unending.
Jenny
Now it’s your turn. Link up your blog posts about gratitude. Be sure to check out the other posts of people who link up – let’s encourage one another.
Comments
Stacey K
What a lovely support team you have/had. And what a wonderful expression of gratitude.
I am grateful for reading your blog & pausing to think about how lucky I really am.
Jenny
When I take the time to focus on what I have (versus the self pity party), I almost get embarrassed to realize how great I do have it.
gail
Parts of your story mimic mine. I, too, wanted to be a stay at home Mom. Gratefulness brings contentment.
Have a blessed weekend.
Jenny
Yes, Gail. Indeed it does. When I finally embrace the gratefulness and stop the “It’s not fair” mentality, then I really seem to be at peace and feel content.
Heather
When my babies were little, I had friends who were stay-at-home moms, and I struggled with my feelings of jealousy (esp when working holidays and crazy shifts). I thought I wanted that financial security above all else. I would even get angry at my husband for not making enough money.
God never answered my prayer about this, either; however, He did give me peace and led me to feel grateful that I have such a great job with a flexible schedule. Yes, I still work holidays and crazy shifts, but I help support my family and I love my job and my kids are doing just fine.
Obviously, your kids are, too! (Sam is just plain adorable, btw). Here’s to feeling grateful for a job where we can affect other’s lives every single day, but still be home enough to make an impact on our kids’ lives. Love this post, Jenny!
Jenny
I found myself nodding to everything you just wrote. 350 days a year I’m extremely grateful. It’s those other 15 days that I struggle with. But I’m working hard on it.
Marilyn Johnson
Jenny, Your story about your first marriage and your dreams then are so similar to mine. Your daughter is so beautiful and it looks like she is has an amazing bunch of caregivers. Wish I had them here. I would love to have them for my little guy. Thanks again for the link up. I have really enjoyed it.
Jenny
I’m excited you joined the linkup too! I look forward to the day we can get the little ones together. It will happen.
Whitney
‘but I’ve learned that parenting isn’t really about me at all.’
Amen amen amen. Just gave me chills- needed to hear that. Also as someone who works with and teaches other people’s children I enjoyed this post. Especially as I have just said my yearly goodbyes and it always makes the start of summer a bit bittersweet!
Jenny
That statement was an AHA moment for me as well. I actually reread my post this morning and felt the same thing. Thank you for teaching – what a gift and service you provide to children and their parents.
Pam Abbott
Awesome Jenny. I will tell you this…my mom worked outside the home. I was blessed to be taken care of by a woman who never had children of her own. I was the first baby she cared for though she had cared for older children for a while. The bond I had with her and her family was incredible. Her mom, became Grandma to me and in all reality, she was mom#2. I was so fortunate to have her watch my son for the first 9 months after I went back to work. He was the last baby she ever took care of before beginning her new journey in Heaven. I am so grateful that she was put into my life as she will forever remain in my heart. I hope Sam’s relationship blossoms with Mrs.Freeman.
Jenny
Thank you Pam. I needed to hear that. Jeff and I are close with Heather and her family. I’m certain that she will always be a part of Samantha’s life. And for that I am grateful too.
Caroine
Thank you for this…I will say that to start. I have been struggling over the past 7 months with the same sort of things, mty plan was always to stay home – or so I thought when I was younger. I supported my husband through growing his business while I worked in the corporate world, but after just having my second…I didnt think I could go back – but knew it wasnt yet the time to stay home…and where was that lottery
Its been a tough road, and quite a few tears…but its reading things like this…knowing you are not alone in this crazy motherhood role…things like this that help. So thank you…I needed this today as I sit as my desk welling back tears…I needed this! Thanks!
Jenny
You are so not alone. Truth be told, I still struggle at times. This is the main reason that I began my journey towards seeking and learning about gratitude. My soul now craves some sort of gratitude exercise everyday. It helps immensely.
Hang in there. I can feel your heart through your words. I’m rooting for both of us and for the desires of our hearts (even if it is delayed).
Colleen
Beautiful tribute to your daughter’s teachers. Work or stay home, it is always a wonderful thing when we have great people to help with our kids. My son just finished pre-k and I was so sad to say goodbye to his wonderful teachers. They loved and cared for all the children so much. It was great to see them all learn and play together.
p.s. I just have to say your Samantha is adorable and I love those blonde curls.
Jenny
Thank you. My hair is straight as a board and so I constantly am running my hands through Sam’s mop of curls. They make me unbelievably happy.
Stacey K
Thanks for doing this as a link up I have enjoyed reading the other blogs.
Jenny
Me too! LOVED all the posts. I was blessed by each of them. Gratitude is really contagious.