So this month has been a wake up call for me. Acceptance that I don’t have the athletic body that I want to, but motivation to look closely at why that is. So what did I do to get to this point? 3 things happened this past month.
First, I split a pair of jeans. Yep, at first I was shocked and then nervously laughed. Then I screamed and cursed out loud in my bedroom. And then just possibly a tear or two fell as I was sprawled out on my floor flat on my back staring at the ceiling asking myself how I ever let myself go.
Second, at the Olympic Swimming Time Trials, Emily innocently asked me, “Mom, did you used to look like those swimmers?” “Yes, Emily I did,” I replied. “Oh, you must really miss that mom.” Yes I do.
Last, I came back from 2 vacations to wearing the largest pant size ever in my life. And I possibly shed a couple of more tears in the Target dressing room if I was being truthful. Nothing like 3 way mirrors to make sure you see every angle of your girth. I actually asked the dressing room employee if the mirrors were from the local carnival. She nervously smiled, possibly afraid that I was going to implode and possibly blame her for having to purchase size 16 jeans. Ouch. It actually hurts to type that.
But here’s the skinny: I have no one to blame but myself. I make poor eating choices, including a heavy addiction to Dr. Pepper. I don’t eat huge portions but I don’t make the greatest choices. I also have not being consistently exercising. I go in impulsive one week binges and then crash and burn.
So here’s my commitment:
I will be in pictures everyday with my children. I will not avoid them.
I will not complain or put myself down regarding my weight.
I will wear clothes other than work out clothes because somehow I think that they “cover” my figure up. If I want to look better in pictures or in the mirror, the choice is up to me.
I will put a picture of my family on my refrigerator, pantry, and my rearview mirror. I will look at those pictures every time I am about to make an eating choice and ask myself how it will ultimately effect them.
I guess there is truth to having to hit bottom to have a true reality check. I have made the choice not to do what is necessary to get healthy. At least that is what my actions and choices up to this point have been if I’m being honest with myself. My reality is that if I don’t make some changes fast, I might as well light my life list on fire. Frankly, I’m intentionally poisoning myself and setting myself up for recurrence of cancer or other diseases. Period.
I’m not being hard on myself, I’m just being honest. An honest reflection is often difficult but also somewhat liberating simultaneously.
So I talked with the kids and Jeff about my struggles and as usual they rallied around me. We are making better choices already and signed up for some family runs and triathlons in the fall. We wanted to sign up for some earlier races than in September, but with 110 degree temperatures in Phoenix, we have to be smart. Will I have the perfect body in 2 months to want to be in triathlon pictures? Nope, but if I want to improve, feel healthier, and improve my physical appearance, then I better do something about it.
So today I am thankful for the accountability that this blog has tortured, cursed, and blessed me with.
The second Friday every month will be a Project Health update. Please join me and link up if you desire. Let’s encourage one another. And remember that Project Health isn’t necessarily about weight loss.
Blessings sweet friends – Jenny