So this month has been a wake up call for me. Acceptance that I don’t have the athletic body that I want to, but motivation to look closely at why that is. So what did I do to get to this point? 3 things happened this past month.
First, I split a pair of jeans. Yep, at first I was shocked and then nervously laughed. Then I screamed and cursed out loud in my bedroom. And then just possibly a tear or two fell as I was sprawled out on my floor flat on my back staring at the ceiling asking myself how I ever let myself go.
Second, at the Olympic Swimming Time Trials, Emily innocently asked me, “Mom, did you used to look like those swimmers?” “Yes, Emily I did,” I replied. “Oh, you must really miss that mom.” Yes I do.
Last, I came back from 2 vacations to wearing the largest pant size ever in my life. And I possibly shed a couple of more tears in the Target dressing room if I was being truthful. Nothing like 3 way mirrors to make sure you see every angle of your girth. I actually asked the dressing room employee if the mirrors were from the local carnival. She nervously smiled, possibly afraid that I was going to implode and possibly blame her for having to purchase size 16 jeans. Ouch. It actually hurts to type that.
But here’s the skinny: I have no one to blame but myself. I make poor eating choices, including a heavy addiction to Dr. Pepper. I don’t eat huge portions but I don’t make the greatest choices. I also have not being consistently exercising. I go in impulsive one week binges and then crash and burn.
So here’s my commitment:
I will be in pictures everyday with my children. I will not avoid them.
I will not complain or put myself down regarding my weight.
I will wear clothes other than work out clothes because somehow I think that they “cover” my figure up. If I want to look better in pictures or in the mirror, the choice is up to me.
I will put a picture of my family on my refrigerator, pantry, and my rearview mirror. I will look at those pictures every time I am about to make an eating choice and ask myself how it will ultimately effect them.
I guess there is truth to having to hit bottom to have a true reality check. I have made the choice not to do what is necessary to get healthy. At least that is what my actions and choices up to this point have been if I’m being honest with myself. My reality is that if I don’t make some changes fast, I might as well light my life list on fire. Frankly, I’m intentionally poisoning myself and setting myself up for recurrence of cancer or other diseases. Period.
I’m not being hard on myself, I’m just being honest. An honest reflection is often difficult but also somewhat liberating simultaneously.
So I talked with the kids and Jeff about my struggles and as usual they rallied around me. We are making better choices already and signed up for some family runs and triathlons in the fall. We wanted to sign up for some earlier races than in September, but with 110 degree temperatures in Phoenix, we have to be smart. Will I have the perfect body in 2 months to want to be in triathlon pictures? Nope, but if I want to improve, feel healthier, and improve my physical appearance, then I better do something about it.
So today I am thankful for the accountability that this blog has tortured, cursed, and blessed me with.
The second Friday every month will be a Project Health update. Please join me and link up if you desire. Let’s encourage one another. And remember that Project Health isn’t necessarily about weight loss.
Blessings sweet friends – Jenny
Comments
Stacey K
I am feeling the same way about myself. I have little to no motivation to cook or shop & after having the last week on holidays eating out the whole time I am feeling the bad choices I am making. I will drink a large chia latte rather than eat, it gives me that full feeling but I know that isn’t a healthy choice. I know I need to make changes but they seem to take more energy than I have. I will try to do these 2 things this week: yoga every morning to start the day & drink more water.
Good luck to you & thanks for being honest.
Jenny
Yoga and water are both needed in my life. I am as flexible as a board and don’t drink nearly enough water. I’m cheering us both on Stacey!
Heather
You are a brave strong woman, Jenny.
It has been a decade since I wore a 16. I buy my clothes in the plus size area now. But I am determined to turn 40 (in 18 months) in as good of shape as I was in when I was married at 22. My first goal: to get back to Disney World. I am walking nearly daily, and will earn a family trip after 828 miles, which is the distance from my house down there. I started two weeks ago today, and have walked 45.8 miles so far. Last year, I walked the Avon two day 39.9miler with a friend, and lost some weight from the training. Then, emotional eating following a miscarriage put 25 more pounds on my already obese frame. I am turning that around one bite and one step at a time.
I will be eagerly anticipating your updates. You are strong. You inspire. Someday, I hope our paths will cross so our healthier selves will get to meet each other and I can give you a big hug.
Lots of Love, Heather in Virginia
Jenny
Cheering you on Heather as well. I never considered myself an emotional eater until the past 5 years. I think the heavy amount of stress just overwhelmed me and it overtook my former healthier habits. I’m 40 in just 16 months so I get that push to get healthier especially knowing that my metabolism is only going to get slower because of the aging process.
All this to say that It’s time. It’s time for both of us to get healthy. And a healthy hug sounds delightful. – J
Julia
Jenny, you can do this.
I can tell you what has helped me this year, but I will stress that it has involved a real change and a heap of commitment, and you have both, you will just have to dig.
I am following a plan created by Tom Venuto. He has a best selling ebook called Burn the Fat, Feed the Muscle. (I recommend). He also sells a book at amazon called The BodyFat Solution. Basically, he is a bodybuilder, but more than that, he really understands nutrition. And bodies.
But even more than that, he talks about how essential the mental aspects are for long term change, how you must have strong support, and sometimes that must extend outside your family. Changing your body…on paper, it is a simple thing like 2-1=1. But our daily and emotional lives muddy it up and you have to have steely resolve and social support to carry you across some of that.
Lastly, I think it might appeal to your scientific, nurse side and your athletic, swimmer side (she is ready to come out). I know that now that I have been diligent and can see biceps and strong thighs on me, and I can look down and see parts of my legs that had been obscured by my tummy…well, something is emerging from within and I lovingly call her fitness girl. More than skinny. Strong. Able.
You are that too, you just need a plan and work the plan. I have no doubt but that you can do it.
Jenny
Just ordered the book – thanks for the recommendation. I miss skinny, vibrant, energetic Jenny. I actually miss her terribly but agree that she is still there and screaming to come out.
So excited to hear of your physical changes and can hear your emotional changes in your words. So proud of you. Keep it up!-J
Michelle B
HI Jenny! I haven’t blogged about it yet. But I am on week 8 of turning my health around. I am down 8 lbs too! My motivator is that I turned 35 and my baby turned 2 – I went to the doc and was 15 lbs over where I would like to be. I decided that its now or never. Get on top of this before it gets worse…I get older and more out of shape. So I have been going to the gym 3-5 days a week. I do 20/30 min carido and weights. It took a good 4 weeks to really get in the habit. It took until 6 weeks to see a noticeable difference. And while I have lost about 1 pound a week – its not a crash diet but a healthy way to lose weight. I also haven’t deprived myself of the good stuff (s’mores and ice cream!) I have just been eating that stuff in moderation. Water and lots of protein! Fruits and veggies. I was waiting to blog about it until I knew that I was successful. But maybe I will talk about it sooner on the ‘ol blog. Good luck to you! I know you can do this!
Jenny
“I was waiting to blog about it until I knew that I was successful. But maybe I will talk about it sooner on the ‘ol blog.” -> Yes, that is exactly what I was waiting for. I actually thought that the other day while eating a bagel and drinking a coke. Really?
So proud of you making those changes and I know you will start feeling the endorphins kicking in and the energy high. Looking forward to sharing my small and big victories in the future. Just wanted to share exactly where I am in hopes to motivate me to just start and be consistent.
Jen Kinkade
I promise to be one of your biggest cheerleaders in this endeavor!!
Pom poms, leg kicks and all!
You will do this…go Jenny!!!!!!!
Jenny
Thanks friend! And I just giggled actually visualizing you doing high kicks. I totally see that in you. XO – Jenny
Ros
Hi Jenny,
Target mirrors were created by the devil!
Twice recently I have been in there trying on bras. You stand there looking at your front, mm not too bad you think then you move slightly and o my, you see your behind. It’s not good. They should all be smashed.
I am NOT fit but weigh 132lbs. My extended family are big people so I try to make good eating choices knowing it would be very easy for me to get bigger.
My son is a Crossfit trainer amd eats a Paleo diet, which means caveman. The workout regimens are very different to traditional gyms as the concept is to do different things every day so you don’t get bored amd your muscles don’t get used to just one movement.
There are lots of videos on YouTube you could look at.
Good luck, I will be rooting for everyone amd I will try to add some form of exercise into my routine.
Jenny
I actually have an appointment tomorrow with a local Crossfit trainer for an initial evaluation and to talk about the Paleo eating plan. It looks fun and intense! I am not afraid of hurting, I love a challenge, and most importantly, I can laugh at myself. I think all will bode me well in the journey.
And rooting for you to exercise as well. Thanks Ros for the encouragement. -J
Kerry K.
Sending lots of love and support! I’ll be cheering you on and getting myself on track, too. It’s way overdue. Spending time with older family members recently reminded me how important it is to maintain my health for a lifetime of special family moments. Trying not to focus as much on the weight and more on a lifestyle change I can stick with for more than a week
Thinking of you – xo
Jenny
Exactly Kerry – lifestyle change. It’s amazing to me in the ER how patients will come in at 80 years old and they look 20 to 30 years apart due to healthier, active lifestyles earlier in life.
I truly want to live an abundant life, so I really don’t want diabetes or wheelchairs in my future. Rather, I want to be dancing, traveling, and playing bingo!
Liz (Little Bitty Bakes)
Sometimes a “slap in the face” like this is really a blessing in disguise. So proud that you’re willing to share this with all of us, we need more people to do this — it will help so many others! I can’t wait to follow along Jenny, and if you need any motivation you know where to find me!!
PS – I thought the same thing watching Trials… remember when swimming made you so amazingly fit that you didn’t have to stress one bit about food or the size of your jeans? Oh, the good old days.
Marilyn Johnson
I understand totallly Jenny. So here in this place myself. The heat and humidity the past two weeks have slowed down my running but I am bound and determined to get back at it. I put this quote up on my desk to remind me of the several goals I have, “Time is inevitably going to pass and one year from today, you can find yourself in the exact same spot your’re in now, you can find yorself further away from your goal or you can find yourself closer to your goal-so where to do you want to be a year from now?”
Your post inspires and fuels me to “get with it!”
Thanks!
Jenny
Already wrote this quote down and it’s on my frig! So proud of you for running in the Color Run. It looked like so much fun. I know our personalities and that we both can do. It’s truly just up to us to make the choice to do it – I’m rooting for both of us! -J
cathy stolze
Let’s do this girlfriend! A couple years ago I lost 20 pounds…just doing what I know to do. Loving myself with exercise and good food. It was a beautiful thing. I put on a dress that used to be tight and it hung on me so beautifully. I was so happy. Then life threw stuff at me and I let my emotions take over and started loving myself with junk I know doesn’t “fuel” my body, wine and cheese, etc. Now I have gained 10 pounds back over the last year and that dress no longer fits the way it did. It’s time once again to realize that it all starts in the mind. I need to figure out what I really want and why. I need to make being fit more compelling than chips and salsa. I’m grateful for your honesty. It’s so refreshing. We got dis. We just need to support each other and have fun doing it. I’m starting right this moment! Woot Woot!! Excuse me while I go get my water! : )
Jenny
Enjoying my water right now too! I just took my “before” pictures. Wow, that was humbling. At least they will be balanced out with the great “after” pictures. Cheering you on Cathy!
gail
I understand, Jenny. I lost 46 pounds with Weight Watchers and working out. The hardest part is keeping it off.
Having your family be involved is a great idea! My family eats a lot more vegetables because of me!
Jenny
46 pounds – wow! That’s terrific Gail. We’re including the kids in the grocery shopping and vegetables are filling up our cart and tummies now. It’s going to happen – I have a great feeling now (finally).
Theresa
Jenny,
I am cheering you on ! This post had good timing as I hit a plateau and started getting down about it. I have lost 18 pounds since march but I feel like I’m doing the two step here. So I am now making some new commitments to myself starting with positive thinking. Thank you for the kick in the pants .
Theresa
Jenny
Great job Theresa! Positive vibes being sent your way. Perhaps we can go hiking together when the weather cools off in a bit.
Jamie
Jenny-
I’m cheering for you!
<3
Sarah
Love this! Came at exactly the right time as am feeling many of the same things. Project Health here we go…am thinking we deserve a reward – like a meet up in Portland??
Miss you!!!
Jenny
Yes, Portland indeed! Since I saw those pictures of Ali paddle boarding, I’m itching to get back. Let’s do this. Miss you too friend. -J
Kimberly Kalil
Not that you need me to tell you thins, but I will: you can do it. You have stepped up before and you’ll do it again. I am proud of your willingness to share your journey with others. I’m right there with you … after a year of doing so well, I hit a personal wall. I need to get back on track and make my health a priority. Love you to pieces. You’ll kill it!
Jenny
“You’ll kill it” made me smile and I wrote it down on an index card to keep near me. And congrats on your run today – you are already back at it. Hooray!
Melissa
I am using “My Fitness Pal”. My husband downloaded it on his new iPad in January. In four months, he’d lost 20 pounds. He exercised twice a day (about 30 minutes each time). I know weight loss is different for guys, but I decided to try My Fitness Pal too. I now walk/run four miles a day. It means I have to get up early (and I am SO not a morning person). My goal is to be walking by 7:30. I’ve gone as early as 6:30 and as late as 8:00. My Fitness Pal is so easy … you just log your food and exercise every day. It’s all about calories in and calories out. I’m only in my second week, but I am logging 4 miles every day. I walk three and run one. Yesterday, due to volunteer commitments, I couldn’t fit in my walk. This morning I couldn’t wait to get out there! And to make up for yesterday, I walked/ran four miles this morning and four in the evening. Yes, there are some days when I forget to log my food (3 days so far), but I’m getting better. For inspiration, I put tons of post-it notes on the bathroom mirror saying things like, “Fewer carbs!” or “30 pounds by Christmas” or “Shop on the skinny side of Talbots” (not the women’s side) or “That awesome dress you wore in June 2008″. But I do have to confess, it is SO much easier to eat less when my hubby is gone and I don’t have to cook large family meals every day. It’s easier to eat less when there’s less food on the table to begin with. I still cook for my son, but the meals just aren’t as big. Oh, and when it comes to making time to exercise, make sure you DECLARE to your family that you will be taking time for yourself either once or twice every single day, and you will not give up that time for yourself for any reason. Put it on the calendar like a dentist appointment. You wouldn’t miss a dentist appointment. (Well, I might. I hate the dentist). But you get my drift. As my husband says, “Be a d**k about your exercise time. It’s yours. Don’t relinquish it for anyone or any thing”. Good Luck! You can do it!
Sue Triggs-Rhuda
Hi Jenny!
You hang in there girlie. You can do it! You know you can!
Thanks for “baring it all” I’m struggling with the same thing as you…wearing the “bigger” shorts this summer because somehow, I gained 10 lbs over the spring/summer. Was bigger than I wanted to be at the retreat this year
Get back on the horse my friend. I am. Even tho it’s so hot here, my exercise consists of dog-walks but it all counts! I’m also re-committing to “Move More Eat Well” for the rest of the year and really eating mindfully. I also d’loaded the MyFitness Pal for my iPhone and in a week it has illuminated what things I should be eating more of and what things I should be eating less of.
You can do it and we are with You!!
Hugs
donna g
If you are trying to drink more water I have had really good luck with the camelbak water bottle. For some reason the water goes down easier ( I hate drinking water and I am able to get 4 bottles down per day 96oz). I am a runner but still need to lose 30lbs. I run 2 days a week with a friend which is fun
and keeps me motivated. I am meeting with a trainer on Monday to bring in some weights
Val
So much good stuff here in the comments. Everyone has their own motivations. I know of an exercise eating program where you workout at home on your own time but have a group of 5-10 others who are also doing the program. The group of you are there to motivate each other, inspire, hold each other accountable, share recipes, and just be a general support system for each other. Let me know if you’d like to know more!