“Don’t worry, you can always have another child.” – said the neighbor to a young 22 year old who just miscarried her first child.
“Don’t worry, there are so many other fish in the sea. You just have to get back up on the horse.” – said the bible study leader to the 25 year old single mom whose husband left her for another woman.
“Don’t worry dear. God never gives you more than you can handle. You must be one of the strongest people in His eyes.” - said an observer to a 38 year old mom of 4 who had been served some heavy challenges as of late.
You know those phrases.
We have all been guilty of using them at some point in our journey.
I’m calling for a moratorium on phrases that only bring comfort to the messenger. I suppose it’s this inherent need for us to say something to our friends and acquaintances who are going through difficult times. Unfortunately, our words sometimes cause more pain than if we just were silent and offered a loving glance or hug. I know this as I’ve been guilty of using some of these phrases and have been on the receiving end of them more than once.
These words are often said with the best intentions but cause the recipient to question if their grief is appropriate, warranted, or worse, if they have done something to deserve the pain that life naturally brings to our doorsteps.
“God never gives you more than you can handle.”
I’m calling hogwash on this one. I’ve heard this phrase uttered a million times with the most syrup sweet of intentions. I’ve even seen this cross stitched and hanging above an elder’s fireplace mantel. And yes, I realize this is biblical. I just think it has been twisted into a cute catch phrase instead of being used in the context God meant for it to be delivered.
The past several months have been full of life and the joys and challenges that it brings with it. Transitions, heart break, and joy that can only come from answered prayers from Him.
During my break from writing on this blog I have grown. And with growth, comes molding, changing, challenging the purpose to it, shaking my fists, growing pains, acceptance, and finally gratitude.
I have really embraced 2 things.
First, God often gives me more than I can handle. I was made in His image and to trust in Him. However, I am a stubborn soul and fiercely independent and often think I can do it all. I was reminded gently and harshly this summer that I desperately need the comfort and counsel that can only come from Him. It surely can’t be fulfilled by a cute e-card phrase or quote on Pinterest or Facebook.
I came to God completely empty and void of energy and He welcomed me. I completely felt a sense of Him saying be quiet and be still.
I know you write Jenny, but now I want you to be silent.
Second, God is really redefining my definition of Full. This could very well be my word for 2013. My blog was designed to remind me to live my life to the fullest and accomplish my life list that was formed when I had cancer. And I love my life list. But lately, I feel God saying that those small, ordinary moments in life fill me up as much as the big items like dancing in Washington D.C.
I still plan on being intentional about living my life. But I’m realizing while checking items off my life list might be the width of my life, the height of living a full life might be playing an intense game of UNO cards with my 3 year old daughter, teaching my new high school freshman the joys of highlighters (from a nerdy perspective), or throwing the football around with my 10 year old son.
Thank you for allowing me a quick hiatus from this blog. My precious family is getting settled into our new home and have embarked on many new adventures that I can’t wait to share with you. We have no kitchen table or couch, but I have a project life table and a cupcake pan that is ready to be christened in our new kitchen.
And speaking of living life to the fullest, I love how Ben was completely uninhibited. I wish this childlike joy and energy could be bottled.
Glad to be back. I’ve missed you.
Blessings sweet friends – Jenny
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Comments
Heather
Yay! So glad to see you back, Jenny.
ros mcp
Good to have you back! Your page is one of my favorites that loads up on my computer each day. For so long it was the darling pic of your husband and son. I was worrying about you but knew that you must be dealing with some big issues to stay away so long.
My lists these days consist of daily chores plus the bigger chores I would love to get done but never quite seem to get there. Checking these off makes me feel good, even if it was something mundane like ironing or a cool one like catching up on Project Life.
Good luck to you all in your new home x
Lisa Muniz
Welcome back!
Christy
Welcome back! I love this post. The greatest blessings of going through my trials are the lessons I’ve learned on how to comfort others through theirs. I no longer feel to the need to say things like “it will all work out” or “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle…” I had a friend go through a miscarriage recently, and while others were telling her not to be sad, I felt the freedom to tell her that it is okay to be sad and that I’m sad for her. We don’t need to fix things for our friends. We just need to let them know that we love them, we understand them, and we feel with them and for them. I’ve missed your wisdom and light!
Cathy
I never post comments normally, but I have missed your truthful and very entertaining posts!
Andrea S.
Yeah! You are back
Loved your post today. Like you, I have started to pay attnetion more to what is going on around me and really stopping to listen/engage with my kids and I can tell you it has made a huge difference.
P.S. Ben totall reminds me of my son – he is younger, but loves to just dance like no one is watching!
Theresa
Glad you’re back, missed you.
MaryAnn
Love the dance and love you my friend!!! Welcome back I’ve missed you so!!!
Sarah Jane
I am guilty of it, too. Recently, my mother-in-law was worried about a colonoscopy. I reminded her that it really doesn’t pay to worry about it because it is out of her control. I told her what her own son always reminds me… “IT IS WHAT IT IS and worrying doesn’t change anything”. She was looking for sympathy, I think, but didn’t find any from me. (I guess I would have been better to say NOTHING AT ALL and simply let her keep worrying herself sick.) Thanks for the reminder. BTW, welcome back!
Heather
You have been missed, sweet friend. So glad you wrote today; I was just visiting your blog last night to see if you had updated.
Now, I’m ready for a fall-themed cupcake from JENNY!
ps. Loved the video!
Tracey
Welcome back! I’ve missed your posts. LOVED watching Ben bust a move, absolutely classic.
Mikki
I am so glad to see you back! I have truly missed your blog posts.
That video is priceless! May you find joy in showing it to his high school girlfriend one day. LOL
Ashley Marie
You are SO right about the bible verse being twisted to make people feel better by saying it to others. The devastating things that happen to us are not the work of God and it always upsets me when people use “God doesn’t give us more than we can handle” bit because it is like saying God made it so we lost our baby or our spouses cheat, or family gets fatal illnesses/injuries. It comes from 1 Cor 10:13
“No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”
Ashley Marie
PS! I have missed your posts! Can’t wait to see some fun cupcakes. Love the video!
sheri bartnett
Another one is “everything happens for a reason.” I used to very glibly say that. No more…sometimes things just happen!
ChrisyC
YAY you’re back.
I’ve been missing your posts from all the way down here in Australia.
Michelle Bostinelos
Welcome back Jenny! I’ve been thinking about you and how you are doing. Breaks are good! Can’t wait to hear all you’ve been up to
Molly
Jenny- so glad that you are “back”!! I always love your posts b.c they are pertinent to living life intentionally and always make me think!
Love, love, love the video! You have got to get him into salsa class or zumba. Most males struggle with moving their hips- but not Ben- he’s already got that down!!
Hope you guys are getting settled in well after the move.
Hugs,
Molly
Beth Cole
So glad you are back! I love how you are giving grace to yourself and how God has opened your eyes to His definition of “full.” So cool. He IS our fullness. I also agree with your moratorium on those phrases that “only bring comfort to the messenger.” So wise. And the video cracks me up, haha, I think I cackled. Thanks for the bright spot, Jenny.:)
Nikki
Yeah, Jenny! I’ve missed your wonderful way with words. Your blog is like my morning devotional
Colleen
Welcome back, you were missed. Wishing you much happiness in your new home!
Julie
I so, thought of you today. I was pulling into a parking lot and a very young girl (maybe 4) was skipping with delight, holding her dad’s and bigger sisters hands going into Giant.
1st I thought, when is the last time I ‘skipped’
2nd thought was ‘Jenny would appreciate the skipping and my thoughts.
Tonight I skip!
Julie
PS LOVE Ben’s salsa…..
DonnaG
Happy your back
Jeri Ann
Yay! So glad you are “back” and that I’ve had time to read you! Loved Ben’s dancing – watch out for Chippendales recruiters!
Val
Welcome back and so glad you had a break. Those little moments are so important. I’m finding my kids are growing way to fast and we need to hold on to all those little moments we can!
A little bit of my life
Yay, you are back! =)
ChrisyC
Hi Jenny
I’ve been thinking about your post and wanted to share with you my thoughts on life lists.
I’ve have been so completely inspired by your quest to live an intentional life, and l have since developed my own life list to have 85 items on it. I’m also developing a 37 things to do by 37 list. This has been a great thing for me personally.
I agree with you, that the small, ordinary moments fill you up or are as meaningful as the big life list items. On my lists l have included statements such as “spend more time with my family and be conscious of really being present in their company” “be the best mother l can be” “cherish this last year before my daughter starts school”. To me, this is where all of those small, everyday experiences fit into my life lists.
To me, it doesn’t have to be a choice between everyday moments and life list moments – as l’ve integrated the two. If for a period of time, l choose to not chase any of my really big dreams because there are more important things to do at home – that’s ok, because being a good mother and spending time with my family are at the top of my life list.
Thanks for the continuing inspiration.
Chrisy
Australia
cathy stolze
Ben’s video is priceless. Keep living in the moment and tap into that childhood joy. ((HUG))
jennie
among other (more important) truths in this post, amen to the joy of highlighers. sometimes it’s the little things.
Liz (Little Bitty Bakes)
Width + height — I never think of it like that, but it’s so true… width is great, but the height really makes you feel alive, like you’re making a difference. Hope you’re settling in at the new home!
Julia