I have several posts ready for you this morning, but felt a nudge on my heart to lay my words at your feet.
Just two days after I wrote this post, I took Samantha to her sweet little soccer game. I was feeling a bit frazzled as I was rushing to get the kids to their practices, when selfishly I wanted to stay curled up in my warm sheets. As I was getting out of the car, I whispered to God, “Lord, I’m depleted. I need your encouragement and energy. I feel so inadequate. Why am I supposed to be here today?”
As I was setting up my chair, a dear friend hugged me and said, “I hope you don’t mind me telling you this but you were on my mind all day yesterday. I got your email about your two new blog posts”… and that’s when the lump in her throat became obvious. “Well, I just love it when you are real, raw, and well, just you. You see, a while back I had to stop reading your blog because it made me feel inadequate. You seemed to have it all together and doing all these things while working and having four kids.” And that’s when the lump in my throat formed and the tears started flowing.
Later that day in the grocery store, a kind lady holding the most beautiful 6 month old baby in a sling, reached for a can of green beans, accidently dropped it, and it went rolling down the aisle. Samantha went running after it and handed it to the obvious frazzled mom. Her response, “Thank you sweetheart. You are such a nice helper.” She then looked at me with tears through her sleep deprived, puffy eyes and stated, “I just can’t seem to get it together. I feel helpless at times. Just inadequate. Is she your only child?”
I replied, “I have 4 crazy, energetic kids. But I believe God gives us children to remind us how much we need Him when we feel inadequate. Hang in there, you are also just sleep deprived.” We both laughed and went back to our shopping.
About 5 aisles later, as I was walking I saw HIM. You remember him from the coffee shop? If you don’t, please read this post. As I continued down the aisle, I tried to not look up, but then it happened. Our eyes met. And yes, he remembered me. Undoubtedly, he remembered me.
Inevitably, that beautiful mom with her precious child turned the corner and addressed Mr. Coffee Man. She said to him, “This is the lady that I just told you about. Thank God some other moms aren’t judgmental when you don’t have it all together,” and she laughed. He nervously laughed and looked as if he was going to have a coronary attack. I was breathless and nervously grinned at her, our eyes met, and both of us looked away as quickly as possible.
When I got into the car I let my heart rate go back down below 150 and that is when the conviction set in. He looked at me with shame, embarrassment, and inadequacy. I then felt my heart change. His look is the same look or feeling that I have when I have screwed up and I come bearing my shortcomings to my Father. Shame. Inadequacy. Defeat.
The difference though is that I am not the Father. I have no right to judge him or any other person for that matter.
I often struggle with inadequacy especially when I compare myself to that wife or mom who seems to have it all together. You know, that myth of a creature that truly doesn’t exist! We all agree that she doesn’t exist, yet we continue to raise people up in those positions of make believe power. Then we compare our inadequacies to her (or him) and then our self doubting heaps shame and contempt upon ourselves and the lie whispers to us, “You will never be enough.”
Here’s the truth. I have wrinkles. I have cellulite. I have greasy hair that needs to be colored and I need to find a wardrobe that doesn’t consist of black yoga pants. But, in all that I am enough. Sometimes, I am on the ball scrapbooking, baking, and marking off my life list. And other times, I am rushing to take my kids to school in my pajamas.
I too struggle with comparing myself to other bloggers. The blogger who crafts like a machine, the blogger with words that are so eloquently written, and even another Christian blogger who I falsely believe must have a direct phone line to God because she seems to have a deeper, more meaningful relationship with Him than I do. All lies.
So if my blog or anything on the internet makes you feel inadequate, here’s my advice. Don’t buy into that myth, close your computer, and have an amazing day. You are more than adequate. You are more than enough, flaws and all.
And to Mr. Coffee Man… I am sorry for judging you. We all fall short with our own struggles and inadequacies. Please love on that sweet wife and baby of yours. Here’s to a fresh start, for both of us.
Blessings sweet friends,