This week was one of the best weeks of my life. Jeff and I were able to take the kids out of school and go to Disneyland for three days. We checked off another item off my 39 list and witnessed the sheer joy of Samantha meeting Mickey Mouse and his friends. I don’t know if I’ve ever experienced anything truly better than a toddler belly laugh and/or squeal.
Jeff and I witnessed Rebecca and Ben being excited to introduce Emily and Samantha to their favorite Disney rides. And then on the last night, we let the older 3 kids go explore the park by themselves for a couple of hours. They loved the independence and Jeff and I watched the parade while Samantha was sacked out in the stroller.
Our adventure concluded with a trip to Temecula to have our pictures taken by Wendy and Tyler of Blue Lily Photography.
We arrived at Tyler’s parent’s home and had our pictures taken in a beautiful meadow with wispy tall green grass and a gorgeous setting sun. We were relaxed, the kids were giggly, and Samantha was in heaven popping bubbles. But my favorite part, hands down was meeting Wendy and Tyler.
Tyler has this infectious grin and Wendy has this “I want to sit, drink coffee, and talk to you about real life” type of personality. Laid back, yet adventurous. No pomp. No circumstance. Just real people. As I have said countless times, I love real, authentic people.
Wendy and Tyler recently sold all their personal belongings and are traveling the world taking pictures and videos, while exploring all this world has to offer and homeschooling their 2 beautiful children. I was (and am) in awe of their lifestyle.
Rebecca, my oldest daughter, is an amazing judge of character. She is very careful with who she allows into her inner circle. But once in her circle, she is the most loyal person I know. So when we were driving away, she said to Jeff, “I asked Wendy to come to our house for dinner. I think they are going to be some of my best friends. Are they on facebook?”
I was speechless. I just grabbed Jeff’s hand and looked out the window. I was energized from meeting such contented people and also moved by Rebecca’s ability to quickly connect and recognize two people of such stellar character. I was nearly brought to tears and just really spent some quiet time looking out the window and reflecting upon my dreams and the desires I have for myself and my family.
So this morning, I was still living off this high as I was uploading vacation photos at a local coffee shop. A lady sat down next to me and was talking to her husband on the phone. Here was what I heard,
“Thanks honey. I really want this job…. Thanks for believing in me… Thanks for supporting us while I’m searching for the right fit…”
Then a man approaches her and I’m now sitting 2 feet away from them during her job interview. She was such a passionate candidate. She was innovative, darling, and a wonderful communicator. I wanted to hire her. The gentleman left a lot to be desired and soon I heard more about him than I wanted to hear. He was and is the best pharmaceutical sales person known to man – at least that is what he said, no less than 10 times!
The interview finishes up and she walks out with a confident smile. I wanted to shout, “You’ve got it girl. You are a shoe-in!”
Then in walks candidate #2 – Forgive me here. This young lady was dressed very provocatively and was so painfully exposed. I wanted to offer her my jacket. She started to speak, and it was ten times more painful. She lacked communication skills, couldn’t answer any of the questions, and admitted she was fired from her last job for lack of direction. The interview was horrible. Within 2 minutes though of her entrance, I was unsure if the pharmaceutical rep was interviewing her for a job or a date. I was beyond discouraged.
When the second candidate left, he immediately got on the phone and told his counterpart or boss that he was hiring the second candidate. I was obviously distracted and not getting my own work done. And to make matters worse, that darling first candidate was now going to get a rejection letter and be devastated. I found myself surprisingly angry and heartbroken for the first candidate that I didn’t even know personally.
And then I did it… I looked at the man with a not so pleasant smirk. Yikes. Totally not my normal disposition at all.
He got off the phone and asked, “What was that look for?” I quickly shook my head like a coward, not able to express what I had just dished out. But then he asked again, “No really. What was that look for?”
And then I took a deep breath and I did it again…
I eloquently said, “I can’t believe you. You are such a douche bag.” Double yikes. I was trying to grab the words back but I just couldn’t. And douche bag, Jenny? Really? When was the last time, if ever, did you use that phrase? 1988?
I proceeded to tell him that his interview skills were lacking and that his ability to pick out a good employee with an innovative personality and great communication skills were obviously less than stellar. I had no filter. None at all.
Being such a people pleaser, I rarely stir the pot. But I found myself just unbelievably discouraged after being so inspired the night before. Perhaps that was the reason I was so sensitive to this young lady and her situation. She was working hard towards her dreams and for her desire to help provide for her family. I could feel her disappointment and she hadn’t even been let down yet.
So today, I’m sorry Mr. Pharmaceutical Sales Rep. I’m sorry for calling you a douche bag. I should have just said, “That’s a poor choice. Your choice was very douche baggy.” Is that an adjective?
And Miss First candidate, I hope to run into you again at this coffee shop or at the grocery store. This company and this boss are not worthy of you. You and your husband will succeed and perhaps this “No” will be just what you need to push you towards another opportunity to find the perfect “Yes”.
So I confess. I called somebody a douche bag. I confess that I needed to offer more grace to him. But I also confess that I think part of my anger was directed towards myself, as I know there have been other times in my life where I have been shallow and pathetic. And I beg forgiveness if I’ve ever caused anyone pain, heartache, or tears because of my poor priorities, critical spirit, or shallowness.
And thank you Wendy and Tyler for living your dreams. Your example was a treasured gift that I needed to receive at this precise point in my life.
And I promise you dear readers and friends to never type the words douche bag on my blog ever again.
Blessings sweet friends – Jenny
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Comments
Karen
Congratulations to you! How many people do you know that would stand up for a situation like that. I would take all of your lessons learned, thoughts and dreams on my side any day.
Jenny
Thanks Karen – my vocabulary could stand to improve, however.
Julia
Point me towards the like button…
Jenny
Julia – you are so funny. I could see myself commenting with such a similar comment.
Angie
I, too, was looking for the like button. Too often we do hold back out of politeness or fear. I’m not saying we should randomly accost every douche bag – but if a few more of them heard it, maybe they would get the hint.
Jenny
I agree. But I am definitely at my limit of confronting one DB every 3.8 decades.
Carissa
Love it! Keep speaking your mind. I hope he went home and thought about all the douche baggy things he’s done over time. Maybe he’ll turn a corner and become a better person, all because you had the guts to stand up to him!
Jenny
I hope he does take some time to reflect on his actions and choices. But after some time, I hope the first girl doesn’t get offered the job because I don’t want her to have to work for him.
Miriam Prantner
Love that you said something to that guy! You never know, something might have sunk in. And it looks like you guys had a fabulous trip to Disney!
Jenny
I do indeed hope so. I hope my stooping down to his level brought some good out of it. And we had an amazing trip, thank you.
nirupama
ohmygod!thankyou
thespacebarstoppedworkingtodayfyi
Iamsohappyyoutoldthatguyoff
hedeservesit
toobadcandidatenumber1didn’thearthat
anyway
lovethatdumbopicture
sharingdisneymemoriesisthebest
keepsharing!
Jenny
thankyouforreplying
loveyourdedicationtostillcomment
myfavoritecomment!
Megan
bravo!
Jenny
Thanks Megan and thank you for sharing this on facebook.
melissa
OMG! For the love of all unfiltered insults. YOU ROCK.
I sure hope that throughout his day he pondered and he was open enough to get an AHA moment from this. Oh i so want to know the outcome. How did he respond to you? Did he blow you off.. and walk away. I wonder if he had clarity and called to change his mind.
This is AWESOME.
Jenny
He kept saying over and over, “I can’t believe you called me a douche bag.” To which I finally replied, “It’s only because no one said it out loud. They were definitely thinking it.” I told you- it was ugly. NO FILTER.
Jill
Good for you, Jenny, for standing up to him! I SO know about not stirring the pot…that’s me, don’t cause any waves (then stew over it later, wishing I’d had the nerve to say what needed to be said!) I’ll bet that interviewer needed to hear just what you told him! And you, dear Jenny, are very real and authentic and inspiring to me ~ even if I only know you through your blog!
Blessings~ Jill
Jenny
Thanks Jill. I avoid conflict like the plague. So there is a part of me that is proud and a part that is embarrassed. Glad I’m not always like that.
Tracy O
don’t ever apologize for honesty. He deserved, he is a douche bag and deserved to be put in his place. Maybe he felt his ranking would be jeopardized if he hired candidate #1 and he would still be the pharmaceutical sales king with #2…who knows, but I hope he realizes someday that he made a poor decision, and that your assesment of him was correct.
I would love to know if he changed his mind and hired the qualified candidate.
God for you!
Jenny
You and my husband said the exact same thing! I hope he didn’t change his mind though. I don’t want her to have to work for him or a company that would put him into a supervisory position anyway.
Nichole
Brava, diva!!!!! Some things just HAVE to be said, and I never have the courage to say them. I an in awe of you.
Jenny
I have faith that when you are convicted, you will speak up. It was such an overpowering feeling that came over me in a matter of minutes. It almost paralyzed me.
Janet Carr
JENNY!!!!! You are FANTASTIC!!!!!!! For soooooo MANY reasons!!!!!!!
Jenny
Thanks Janet! I could have used you as my cheerleader today during that event. It actually scared me senseless and my hands were all sweaty. But I am glad I said something but believe it could have been worded a bit more eloquently.
Janet Carr
JENNY!!!! You know you can always count on me to be your cheerleader!!!!! How I wish I could have been there!!! I would have been right there with you cheering you on!!!!!!!!! HUGS!!! Hope you have a GREAT day!!!!!
Joanne P
Wow, i honestly don’t know if i would have had the courage to stick up for someone like that. I wish I did. Lady #1 will find her right fit but i think that guy really needed to here he was a douche bag. i hope what you said actually irked him enough to reflect on his choices. Way to go Jenny, i love your blog!
Jenny
Thank you so much. I hope he is thinking about it too or will think about it more, the next time he is in the interview process. I also hope he feels like crap when he contacts girl #1 to tell her she didn’t get the job. I hope it gnaws at him for a bit. Not to shame him but rather convict him not to repeat his behavior.
Heather
As nurses, we are committed to being patient advocates.
You took it one step further, being a WOMAN’S advocate.
You seriously rock.
Jenny
Thanks Heather. Sometimes it is difficult to be a patient advocate as well – I’ve had plenty of those experiences with working in the ED and trauma room. Lots of heated family members and death situations always bring out the interesting dysfunction of certain situations. But this was the first time I remember going postal on someone in a public place. I was calm but really direct. I’m still kind of in shock over the whole ordeal.
Vicki
I had to LOL – good for you and I hope you do meet that first candidate again. She probably got a lucky break not getting the job if she had to work with him!!!
Jenny
I agree 100%. I hope she doesn’t get the job because I don’t want her to work for him. But I am sincerely praying that I run into that girl and give her one of my blog cards and just telling her to read this post and all of these wonderful comments. She was really fantastic and dynamic and I know she has a bright future ahead of her.
April
Now. That. Is. Funny! I’m sure you used D-bag with the most Christian intentions. Love it! I was so hoping John Quinones was going to pop out at the end for a special “Primetime…What Would You Do?” episode.
Jenny
Thanks April. It made for an interesting scene.
And yes, my intentions were honorable however my methods (or my language choice) was questionable. And I love that show – that is funny. I never thought of that!
Kerry K.
oh, Jenny. I love you! Your starbucks story is priceless – Can’t be more authentic than that. So glad you enjoyed such a beautiful trip and had a chance to spend time with such amazing people. You are constantly creating a beautiful life for yourself and your family. love it! K
Jenny
Authentic? Yes. A tad crazy lady? Yes, too! I wasn’t at Starbucks rather a local coffee house but there were plenty of people around to listen in and one man did chime in with agreeing with me when the guy tried defending the lady he hired. He said, “I’m 65 years old and we both know you hired her because of her appearance. Just own it.”
He was nearly deaf because everyone turned around when he basically shouted it out at this guy. That is what prompted the guy to leave the coffee house. He was embarrassed to be confronted by 2 of us.
Christy
I was so laughing out loud as I read this story! I admire your courage to stand up for your values even without your filter. I guarantee you made this guy think about his actions today. Did you start to wonder if there was a hidden camera for that show “what would you do?”. In my book, you would have passed!
Jenny
No Christy! Thank goodness there were no cameras. If I had to witness saying douche bag 100x on TV or Youtube, I would have a heart attack or at least my mother would.
Michelle Price
Good for you, Jenny! I am also one that avoids conflict like the plague. There have been many many times that I so wish I could’ve/would’ve spoken out like you did. Sometimes the truth needs to be spoken, no matter how difficult that truth is to hear. That woman (candidate number one) would be grateful to know that someone stood up for her. There are way too many people (mostly men) who look at women as less than they are because they can’t get past the physical attributes. It would be great if everyone could be judged on their abilities instead of what they look like. Good for you for speaking out. Maybe – hopefully – that man will change how he acts. Hopefully if I am ever in that situation again, I can speak my mind and stand up for what is right. Thank you.
Jenny
Appearance was the only standard that I could tell he based his decision on. I wasn’t biased either. I knew neither of these girls, obviously. I do hope that he changes his ways or at least thinks about them in some capacity in the future.
And I really hope that I run into her again. She was amazing and I want to tell her as a former hospital administrator, that her ability to communicate is beyond amazing and she has a great future ahead of her. Thanks Michelle.
sarabeth burke
((clapping))
i think it’s good that you advocated for the girl. even if he didn’t change his mind at that moment, i’m sure it was a first for him and he is rethinking the series of events that led him to the decision he made and for your reaction. it’s definitely true that people need more advocates for doing what’s right and you did just that. you go girl!!!
thanks for sharing that wonderful disney experience-what an exciting time it sounded like and I can’t wait to check out some of that photo shoot, what amazing photographers!
thanks again for your continued inspiration-keep the filter as is
sarabeth
Jenny
Thank you as always my friend! I can’t wait to share more photos tomorrow from Disney – it was such a joy. I will share the photos as soon as I get them – approximately 3-4 weeks. I’m sure they will be worth the wait. It was a surreal experience. Thanks as always for sharing my posts; much appreciated!
Heather S. in VT
Hi Jenny,
I’ve been a blog stalker since your video on Becky’s blog. And your post today was just great! It made me laugh! So thanks for that! I wish more people said was on their minds rather than swallow it or say something else! Good for you! If you called him a douche bag, he definitely deserved it! Thanks for sharing your wonderful life! I really enjoy reading about it! And thanks for the laugh!
Jenny
No need to be a stalker anymore Heather! You have been exposed.
I laugh because I was a blog stalker for YEARS until I started my own.
But it did lend itself to a good chuckle. When I even think about it, I turn a little shade of red.
He did deserve to be confronted, but my vocabulary or “word choice” (as Rebecca told me earlier) could have been better.
Thanks again Heather and know you can’t be a stalker any longer.
Jenn Shurkus
I say bravo to you… But then again I don’t shy away from having a “trucker mouth” when needed. How did he respond to your comments?
Jenny
His mouth was on the ground and he repeated like 3 or 4 times, “I can’t believe you called me a douche bag”. He finally left after another man who witnessed the entire thing told him that he agreed with me and that he only hired the other girl bc of her appearance. He was embarrassed, which I did truly feel bad for. I didn’t want to shame him, just make him realize what he was doing. I think he was clueless until he was called out. It was really sad to think how clueless he was.
Rebecca
Thank you, Jenny…that was a fabulous post that had me laugh out loud and pick my jaw up off the floor. I am proud of you for speaking your mind and for saying things that so many others would have avoided saying for fear of being uncomfortable or incorrect. Sometimes things need to be said in order for people to know where they stand. Good for you!
Jenny
It was definitely uncomfortable Rebecca- more so now that I keep replaying it over and over in my head. I just need to let it go, but I’m still embarrassed about calling him out in public and embarrassing him. But, I’m glad I stood up for that girl – she needed a voice, even if she never knows someone stood up for her. That I don’t regret at all. Thx Rebecca.
Melissa
Oh. My. Goodness. I just read your blog post aloud to my husband! I wanted to share with him your incredible BRAVERY for telling that man something HE NEEDED TO HEAR. My husband was cheering for you! Okay, yes, I know you feel badly about what you did. And you feel badly about calling him a not-nice name. And I know it’s something you would have never done in front of your children (that whole lead-by-example thing). But I’m sorry. That man needed to hear what you had to say. He needed to be brought down a notch. He needed to know that what he had done was just NOT COOL. I know you are feeling badly about your behavior, but what you did took courage. And so many of us don’t even have that! Today you stood up for someone you didn’t even know. And you stood up TO someone who needed to be told the truth. And for that, I salute you and I thank you! You go, Jenny!
Jenny
Thanks Melissa for your encouragement. I needed to hear that as I’ve been a tad hard on myself (in my head) over the past hour. I know I did the right thing, just think my method of execution could have been improved upon. Thanks so much to you and your husband. I’ll take all the cheering I can take on this crazy adventure of life.
Jenny A
You are so brave! I know I would have been too scared to tell the guy he was a douche bag even though I was fuming inside. You make me want to become a better person
Have a blessed weekend!
Jenny
Thanks Jenny. I just keep replaying the situation over in my mind. This morning, I’m going back to the same coffee house. I’m just praying that I run into that girl or ask the employees if they know if she is a regular or not.
She’s just been on my heart.
Cynthia
Good. For. You. I think it is telling that the douche bag was more concerned about being called a douche bag than about his ethics or character.
I have to say though I am also truly concerned about Candidate #2. Clearly she had an M.O. which is certainly perpetuated by our society. I realize that the first candidate will eventually succeed but it’s thing kind of skanky stuff that drives me crazy because we somehow continue to collude with this idea of the sexy provocateur stuff, male or female. Good looks cannot and should not trump competence, ability and earnestness.
Jenny
Completely agree and unfortunately her appearance (by his standards) were the only thing leaning in candidate #2′s favor. She most definitely knew what her edge was and used it (too much so).
Hopefully this will change for my daughters’s sakes.
Cynthia
Wait … not good looks but over sexualized behaviour (or something to that effect).
Suzanne
Jenny, thank you for doing what so many of us wish we could do! And regarding your thoughts that you could have said things more eloquently, you said what you said because of who he was/how he was acting! If he was a more diplomatic, thoughtful person, I am sure you would have phrased things differently. But your words to him were most likely the ones that he could understand! And I love the other man agreeing with you.
Jenny
I have seen the other man in the coffee shop before and I will make sure I thank him for speaking up. I loved that he was calm and spoke in a very matter of fact way. I was so appreciative of his support and demeanor. I still am in awe that I pulled douche bag out of my mouth though. It was never really part of my vocabulary, but I indeed used it. Thank you Suzanne.
Kristina
Found you through Becky Higgins post about loving your blog about taking Sam to Disneyland. It was wonderful to read. Tears in my eyes so I went back to read more of your words. I loved reading this. It made me laugh out loud and made me proud. That is why God gave us ears to help us identify Douche Bags. Love it. We don’t use that phrase much here in Australia but I’m ädding it to my vocab just incase the need permits. I don’t usually comment on blogs because I always think the author won’t read it anyway but you have replied to every single person who commented. You have me hooked by your grace. I believe lady #1 will be ok just by a stranger’s silent belief in her….and hopefully Mr Sales will take a step back and listen to what you’ve said.
Jenny
Thanks Kristina, I am so glad you commented. I obviously read (and treasure) each and every one of the comments. The interaction with new people is one of my favorite parts about blogging. I agree that Girl #1 is going to have a bright future, but I hope to run into her to offer her some encouragement.
We don’t use “douche bag” in the US very much anymore. I hope I don’t start an outdated trend.
Gypsy Chaos
I gotta tell ya, Jenny. I’ve heard that DB phrase numerous times in the past few months. You may have channeled a trend your subconscious recognized!
Congratulations on speaking out. We need to speak up more often – the silent majority is being overrun by the very vocal fringe minorities.
Trust me, it gets easier with practice. I learned to avoid words that shock; the shocking language sticks in the listener’s mind, hiding the true message. I hope the creature.who.deserved.the.wakeup recalls your entire comment! He should recall the words of the older man who laid out so bluntly.
Jenny
Absolutely. Exactly what my dad told me. “Don’t make the message be “douche bag”, but rather his actions”
You both are exactly right. I have been sitting in the silent majority thinking that I have been doing the right thing, but that is most definitely not the case.
I’m hoping to run into the older gentleman in the coffee shop again and properly thank him for his message and calm demeanor. Thank you for your words – you are spot on.
Jeffrey Meyerson
Wow, I love the support you are getting, but I am still in absolute shock that you said anything. Normally, I just get the phone call telling me that you SHOULD have called him a D-bag.
Jenny
I did the right thing in standing up to him, but my delivery could have been more effective without the shock factor. The important thing is that he think about the message, not the word I called him.