Sometimes it is hard to believe that it has been almost 7 years since Jenny finished her cancer treatment. It actually feels like it has been significantly longer than that. I wish that the diagnosis and treatment process were clear in my mind. That year of my life is a blur. It is like someone took an eraser and crudely erased the handwritten manuscript that was my life during that time and all that is left is the permanent impressions of the pencil on the paper. I often try to think about what I learned and what I could possibly teach other people from our cancer experience. While there are countless lessons, here are three things that I want you to know.

I want people to know that:

I am a more serious person because of the cancer experience. If you are going through cancer, understand that it WILL have a profound impact on you and your personality. If you are supporting a friend, give him or her grace when you notice that they aren’t quite the same person as they were before the diagnosis. Before Jenny’s fight, I was care-free and funny. I am now a more serious person, but it eases more and more with time. I feel like I lost a few friends because they didn’t like the more serious version of me. I also feel like those relationships would have been spared had they just given me grace and time to find myself again.

Treatment created a sense of solitude. Going through treatment was a very lonely process even with all the meals and support that were provided by friends and family. The reality is that most of the really tough times occurred when friends and family weren’t around. That created a sense of solitude that was almost incomprehensible to those trying to support us. If you are going through cancer, expect to feel alone at times despite all the support. If you are trying to support a friend through treatment, understand that the treatment and side effects are likely much worse than they look from the outside. Make yourself available during the toughest times and make sure you are ready to provide support throughout treatment. Support tends to wane towards the end of treatment when it is needed the most.

The year after treatment was very difficult. They always say the best way to galvanize a people is to give them a common enemy. When Jenny’s treatment was complete and the enemy beaten, it took a tremendous amount of time and energy to pick up the pieces. A vast majority of the support we received during treatment disappeared when treatment was over. The medical bills started piling up, and laundry, meal preparation, and just everyday life seemed to take much more energy than it did before. At times we felt overwhelmed by everyday life. If you are trying to support someone through cancer, give them a gift card to a restaurant or to a grocery store or take them a meal after the end of treatment. If you are going through cancer, expect an energy letdown and be patient with yourself and your family as you readjust.

I want to thank Jenny for letting me crash her blog again. When Jenny was going through treatment there was very little to go from from a husband’s perspective. I am happy to provide more insight/experience/wisdom to those looking for it. I think I will keep it a little less serious on my next post.

Thanks – Jeff