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Be responsible for the energy that you bring into the room


 
When I get to college, I will finally get the freedom I have been seeking. My life will finally begin.

When I get married, I will finally start living the life that I desire.

When I have a child, I will finally be complete, and become the woman I know God wants me to be.

When I get that promotion, I will finally have a successful career.

When I get more money, I will finally have the home that I can properly entertain in.

When I lose weight, I will finally be able to buy cute clothes and be in the family pictures.

I have spent a good portion of my life looking towards the finish line. When I finally reach that white powdered line, then all will be good and content in my life. I have never uttered those words out loud, but I haven’t needed to. My inner tape recorder, implanted firmly between my two ears, keeps replaying this same message of the glory and myth of the finish line, as far back as I can remember.
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Detox

Mom, You have a problem so listen up!
 

 
While I was silent on this blog, I still spent plenty of time on other social media sites – possibly more than ever before. First thing in the morning, I would read a couple of my favorite blogs. I would check my personal Facebook site and respond to messages and ‘like’ the pictures and status updates of my friends from all walks of life. I’m a people pleaser and very easily pleased, so I tend to like pretty much everything. This has annoyed people because Facebook then decided to display your likes/comments for all the world to see.

Before Facebook, I would have had my quiet time, write in my journal, and headed out the door to exercise before the kids woke up. Instead I’ve been more concerned with what a casual acquaintance has voiced about current events, parenting styles, or social injustices. I voiced that I was tired of reading about it on status updates, yet I continued to spend time clicking on links that only led to me being unproductive and ultimately frustrated at myself for wasting time. Political and religious debates have brought out the passion in people like never before. This spirit of the unknown and fear of the future that election years can bring only heightened the uneasy feeling in my stomach and soul.

I love stories and seeing pictures of my friend’s families, but at what expense?
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Living JoyFULLY – June Edition

Living life intentionally with a grateful heart despite my circumstances.

 

 
I was challenged by a friend to come up with my mantra in 10 words or less. This is what I came up with. Leave it to my verbose nature to use all 10 of them. In researching a little bit about the words intentional and grateful, I came across the word joyful.

Joy and happy are often used interchangeably but are very different in meaning. (more…)

Outside and Inside

I’m still in Oregon at Your Story Retreat and digging deep into the stories I want to tell. The stories are pouring out which is interesting as I felt as if I had nothing to say over the past month. At least not the easy stories.
 

 
But here’s the catch with me. I want real. Real writing. Real friends. Real relationships. Real everything. I’m at the point in my life that I’m in a good place.

Yes, there are things I want to change and improve on. Yes, there are things that I want to learn, do, and grow with. And yes, I still long for a house. But I’m starting to love where I am at in the present more than ever. I’m not waiting for tomorrow. I’m not waiting to be a size 4. I’m not waiting for when I have a new home. I’m not waiting until that person calls me to go to the movies. I’m choosing to love myself and my present just as it is while working on what needs to be changed.

Here’s an exercise that I had to write this morning. My first draft. I will probably edit, add, subtract – but I wanted you to see my first draft. Perhaps I’m sharing too much, but again… I’m promising you real. My heart just as it is.

Please know that I’m truly in a great place and in no need of rescue. That’s the thing about life. The good, the bad, the ugly, and then the moving forward. It’s all necessary and it’s all good. Life is good.
 

Outside and Inside

 
Outside my hair has thinned and is often found on my pillow or broad shoulders. Signs of recovery and aging.
Inside I’m more alive than I’ve ever been.

Outside I see the reddened scars and cellulite streaks from years of surgery, chemotherapy, and steroids.
Inside I feel luscious and eternally delicious from one simple glance from Jeff.

Outside I see acquaintances who are shallow, self consumed, and too busy for relationships. I smile and bake them cupcakes anyways.
Inside I’m thirsty for substance. I’m desperate for connection with real women who want to share life, laughter, and struggle together.

Outside I’ve been married and loved two men.
Inside I’ve been only truly loved and made love to by one man. Praising God that round two of sex doesn’t only exist on General Hospital as I thought during my first marriage.

Outside I’m sick of the surface shit.
Inside I’m yearning for depth and revelation.

Outside I’m wearing comfortable denim in a size 14.
Inside I still feel like that national level swimmer with lean legs, strong shoulders, and one who walked with a confident stride. I’m finally confident that my inside is going to merge with my outside once again in the near future.

Outside I’m living life intentionally with a grateful spirit.
Inside I’m living life intentionally with a grateful spirit.

I suppose I’m on the right track.

Blessings sweet friends – Jenny

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Summer Manifesto

Ahh.. summer. Summer has arrived here at the Meyerson house. Our summer plans originally were to be traveling cross country in an RV for the summer. The plans were in full force and we were supposed to take off last week. But some exciting changes happened and Jeff opened up his own law practice this month, so we are staying put in sunny Phoenix.

Other than some baseball and swim practices, I really desire our summer to be unscheduled and low key. So the kids worked on a family summer manifesto last night. I contributed #14 as my only concrete plan for the summer.
 

 

1. Waterpark + picnic lunches.
2. Make homemade jam. Double our amount from last summer.
3. Backyard campout with smores.
4. Finish making our 52 cupcakes.
5. Visit our friend at the nursing home every week this summer.
6. Try new fruits and vegetables at the Farmer’s Market.
7. Cook with mom and dad and make homemade ice cream.
8. Go to Slide Rock.
9. Go to the circus.
10. Road trip to Grandma’s house for ice cream cones and scrambled eggs.
11. Ride bikes and scooters with our cousins.
12. Eat hot dogs, watermelon, and corn on the cob.
13. Blow bubbles.
14. Dream session + story retreat for mom.
15. Learn to braid each other’s hair.
16. Draw, paint, color, sew, and/or build everyday.
17. Read the Harry Potter Series out loud and then host a Harry Potter Movie Marathon with friends.
18. Play baseball and tag in the schoolyard behind our house.
19. Invite friends to go to the AZ Science Center.

So lots of rest, water, art, and food is on our Summer Manifesto. What exciting things do you have planned this summer?

Blessings sweet friends – Jenny

Linking this post today over at Ali’s awesome community here.

My 2012 Word – Intentional

Back in late April, I witnessed a young lady die and it hit home very hard. Due to the circumstances, I almost felt as if I was seeing myself in this young person’s shoes. Early in the morning, the young lady went to work, as she did everyday Monday thru Friday. But by mid afternoon, she was gone.

As a ICU/ED/trauma nurse of 16+ years, I have seen hundreds of people die. I have learned how to deal with those deaths very well. But this one young lady’s death shook me to the core. Within minutes of her passing, I thought back to the chemo room, when my chemo buddy and I worked on my life list. I had over 1300 things that I wanted to experience in the time I had left on this earth. And now, I had been given 6 more years cancer free and I had done only 5 things! Pathetic. Perhaps a slap in the face to my chemo buddy and others, who had unfortunately succumb to cancer and it’s grip. 

I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t breathe. So what’s a woman to do? Why, wake up your husband of course! Even at 2 AM. I told him that I needed to change some things, and that my life was not going in the direction I wanted. I’m sure he thought I was having my period or had watched some late night inspirational infomercial. But I had changed.

Within a month, I knew he had listened. He had surprised me and designed a blog for me, as a belated Mother’s Day gift. He was (and is) my greatest supporter. He has made me business cards, tries to surprise me with activities from my list,  and asks everyday, “What’s next?” Great man. 

And so the journey has begun. I have done over 20 things in the last 6 months. Some small, some big. But it’s a start.

In reflecting over the past 2 weeks, I have decided on my word for 2012. A simple, little word to keep me in check, as I strive to accomplish my goals and suck the marrow out of all that this wonderful life has to offer.

Intentional. I want to live with intention.

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