So this month has been a wake up call for me. Acceptance that I don’t have the athletic body that I want to, but motivation to look closely at why that is. So what did I do to get to this point? 3 things happened this past month.

First, I split a pair of jeans. Yep, at first I was shocked and then nervously laughed. Then I screamed and cursed out loud in my bedroom. And then just possibly a tear or two fell as I was sprawled out on my floor flat on my back staring at the ceiling asking myself how I ever let myself go.

Second, at the Olympic Swimming Time Trials, Emily innocently asked me, “Mom, did you used to look like those swimmers?” “Yes, Emily I did,” I replied. “Oh, you must really miss that mom.” Yes I do.

Last, I came back from 2 vacations to wearing the largest pant size ever in my life. And I possibly shed a couple of more tears in the Target dressing room if I was being truthful. Nothing like 3 way mirrors to make sure you see every angle of your girth. I actually asked the dressing room employee if the mirrors were from the local carnival. She nervously smiled, possibly afraid that I was going to implode and possibly blame her for having to purchase size 16 jeans. Ouch. It actually hurts to type that.

But here’s the skinny: I have no one to blame but myself. I make poor eating choices, including a heavy addiction to Dr. Pepper. I don’t eat huge portions but I don’t make the greatest choices. I also have not being consistently exercising. I go in impulsive one week binges and then crash and burn.

So here’s my commitment: (more…)