I discovered the term to describe the last 2 weeks of my life. Midlife malaise. I’m not in a crisis, but I’ve have found myself evaluating and questioning everything. In this past week, a young child in our community has died from cancer, 2 teenagers/young adults have died in horrific car accidents less than a mile from my home, and I don’t have enough fingers to count how many of our friends are going through a divorce.
At the end of the day, instead of just going to bed, I asked Jeff, “Is this really it? Am I just naively optimistic to think there is more to this life than divorce, cancer, and losing a house?” Jeff is not used to this type of thinking with me, and opened up a needed can of optimistic whoop ass on me. “Jenny, you know better. You are alive and we have 4 healthy children.” “I know, I’m just tired. And I’m tired of seeing so many people hurt,” I responded. Before I went to bed I spent sometime looking through my pictures and it was hard not to see the blessings.
I have looked deeply at my reasons for blogging and my life list project. And my conclusion: I have learned more about myself than any one item. I have learned more about what excites me, what inspires me, and what I truly want out of life. And I’ve learned that my intentions for blogging are perhaps one of the few things I’m feeling settled and secure with right now.
Here are some of the lessons that I’ve learned about myself: